News you won't find on the front page. Commentary you won't find in the editorial section. And other stuff.

 
PERFECTIONISTS NEVER MAKE MITSAKES

I would like to call your attention to the following item, a retraction which appeared in the July 31 edition of the Hillsdale Daily News:

"Correction: A story in the July 26 edition of the Daily News called 'Achieving Success' contained some mistakes."

Ironically, an article the Daily News ran last month called "How to Fail Miserably at Absolutely Everything You Try" has been nominated for a Pulitzer Prize.


...posted by Dave at 1:24 AM

 
NEWS FLASH

This just in:

The Indianapolis Star reports that a stretch of I-65 in Dayton, Indiana, is closed due to a two-vehicle accident that caused a large quantity of film processing chemical to spill from the back of a semi truck.

More details will be available after officials see what develops.

...posted by Dave at 1:08 AM

 
HOW TO MAKE HORSES HATE US

According to this article from Reuters, entrepreneurs who run horse rental facilities on Rosarito beach in Baja, California, are equipping their horses with diapers in order to cut down on coastal pollution.

During summertime, tourists rent about 150 horses every day from corrals along Rosarito beach. Therein lies the problem:

"Roberto Machado, who has rented horses in Rosarito beach for 23 years, estimates that one horse produces about 57 pounds of manure each day."

Let's do the math. One hundred and fifty horses per day, times 57 pounds per horse... that's slightly less than the daily amount of manure produced by Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld!

But I digress. Sure, protecting the environment and cutting down on pollution is a noble cause, but has anyone asked the horses about this?

I did some research on horse diapers, and I came across the website for Equisan Marketing Pty, Ltd., Australia's leaders in equine hygiene. It turns out that a horse diaper is essentially a large plastic pouch that you strap to the horse's hindquarters and underside in order to catch any "business" that the horse needs to take care of. At the end of the day, you can remove the pouch, dump it out, and it's ready to go again. It's simple and efficient, at least for humans. The horses are a different story.

The website has several pictures of horses in diapers. Now, I'm not Doctor Doolittle, so I couldn't tell you exactly what these horses are thinking. But if I had to guess, then I'd say, based solely on their facial expressions, that they're thinking something to the effect of, "I'm wearing my poop in a bag. Please kill me."

We don't want to make horses resent us. It can only lead to bad, bad things. I mean, think about what we've done to monkeys over the centuries. We've dressed them in diapers, fed them with baby bottles, made them wear funny little hats and dance to organ grinders, and let Michael Jackson own one of them. It's no wonder that, in the movie "Planet of the Apes," they evolved and enslaved the human race!

If horses ever develop superior intelligence and take over the planet, we'll be in big trouble. They'll treat us like we've treated them, and that won't be pretty.

And I'm not just talking about diapers. I'm talking about spurs, too.

Yeeowch.


...posted by Dave at 12:15 PM

 
OFFICER DOWN

Jupiter Courier has story.

Man hears kitten trapped in air duct. Man calls animal control officer. Officer listens to noises. Officer says "kitten" is probably "frog" instead. Snake with frog in mouth pops out of air duct. Officer is right.

Officer climbs ladder to coax snake into net. Snake lunges at officer's face. Officer screams. Officer falls off ladder. Air conditioner breaks officer's fall. And officer's shoulder.

Snake leaves premises. Officer goes to hospital.

Officer comments on situation:

"It was quite funny. I had to laugh so I wouldn't cry."

Frog unavailable for comment.


...posted by Dave at 10:32 PM

 
WARNING: NEW POSTS COMING SOON. HIDE THE CHILDREN.

In case you've wondered, here's a list of things I've been up to lately:

• Graduating from college
  
• Tromping around England and the Scottish Highlands for three weeks
  
• Working for a publishing company
  
• Trying to figure out how to get rid of a pretty bad fade with my 7-iron
  
• Not updating this blog
  

I'm sure it'll be easier to update this blog than it will be to fix my short game, so I'll concentrate on doing that for a little while. Stay tuned.


...posted by Dave at 3:22 PM